The Psychology of Myself

I have always loved psychology. In fact I love it so much that if I was not an English major I would have been a psychology major. I like learning about how the human mind works, how it thinks, how it processes information, and most importantly how it reacts. The process of this reaction is why I studied communication. When we react we communicate through verbal and body language. I try to figure out what everything means. And I’m usually fairly good at it, or so I think. There are some cases where I don’t know what’s actually going on, I can only make educated guesses based on my own reactions to similar situations.

I actually spend a large amount of time analyzing myself. What I am thinking, why I am thinking that, how I should react, how I shouldn’t react, how my reaction will affect others, how their reaction will then translate back to me. It is a never ending cycle that I find somewhat fun. It is a great way for me to entertain myself when I’m bored. In fact, the majority of the time I spend crocheting and knitting I am really analyzing my brain and just keeping my hands busy on something else.

Now I know what you’re thinking and, yes. sometimes this does get me into trouble. I tend to over think simple situations. Then the actions I end up choosing do not produce the reaction I expected, which throws me off. Then I spend time trying to figure out why it didn’t go the way I saw it going in my head. I forget the majority of the time there is someone else in the picture and not just the way I think.

Sometimes when I have a subject in my head I think so fast that my body will physically start shaking because I’m trying to keep up with how fast I’m thinking. This is the point in time where I am obsessed with making lists. I even make lists of lists I want to write. I feel sorry for the people who have to listen to me on days where all I want to do is read my lists. I jump from one subject to another without any real connection. Then I start to panic because I realize there was a list I forgot to make. I have notebooks full of lists. I have what I call my sticky note wall next to my bed. This wall is full of sticky notes and the majority of them are lists or things that I want to remember. Currently on my sticky note wall there is a list of all the jobs I have applied for in the past month, businesses that I am looking into to apply for more jobs, people I have made projects for and the materials that I chose for these projects, and a list of my bills for the past two months.

Here is where I will use psychology to try to figure out what my OCD habits mean. I write lists because I am a visual person. I want to see what I still have to do and I want to cross off what I have done. I want other people to know about these lists because I don’t want them to think that I’m not accomplishing anything. I work on several crochet and knitting projects at one time so when I finish one I feel accomplished, and then I can quickly move onto the next one. All of these habits and behaviors have grown exponentially since I got out of school. After some analyzing I have decided it is because I feel like I’m not accomplishing anything by sitting here. My lists and my projects are to keep me busy while I wait for something else to stimulate me.

My job at fast food is not stimulating enough to keep my mind busy. So I will literally write lists while I’m at work in between customers. I usually just throw the lists away when I’m done with them. Sometimes I even make a list of things I already did that day. Other times I write lists of things that I plan on doing when I get out. Or I will make a fake budget plan for the month, or a fake dinner menu. I’m literally driving myself crazy because there is nothing to challenge my mind. When we’re extremely busy at work and I am running around at 1,000,000 miles an hour my mind is still going about other subjects. I successfully turn myself on autopilot and get my job done but my mind is thinking about the future, the past, and the present, and the lists that I still need to make.

I hope that I find a job soon that will stimulate my mind, because I am driving myself crazy, so I know I must be driving other people crazy as well.

Mindless vs Mindful

After a long weekend of riding my horse and fighting confederates, it is now time to go back to work. You would think that after so much time off I would be able to concentrate fully on the task ahead… Wrong. Today has so far proven to be a writers block day, and it’s not just me, my partner is also having trouble. We are supposed to be writing short quotes to go along with pictures of various school related things. We have not been able to come up with any new ones so far and on top of that after reading through all of the ones we came up with last week we came to the conclusion that they are all very corny.

So what are we to do? We work a very creative job, where our brains are always brainstorming and sifting through new ideas. Sometimes this brainstorming process goes rather well, other times it leaves us pounding our heads against the wall hoping ideas will fall out of our ears. This theory is usually not successful. Yes, I know… I have it easy working at a desk in an air conditioned office with no real deadline to keep track of, but my brain hurts from all the unsuccessful attempts to come up with a quote.

At this point I would rather work a mindless physical job where I can just let my muscle memory take over. Like working at the fast food place that is my second job. That is a completely mindless and muscle memory job. Not as much as my factory job was but I still don’t have to do any real thinking. Just listen to the order and type it in, give the total and take the money. Simple.

But then I think about how boring that job is and I remember that I like my first job better than my second job because I get to be creative and do something a little different every day. So I need a job somewhere in the middle. One that requires thinking, and problem solving, but also something physical. Then again I am kind of lazy at times, so maybe just a job that requires thinking and problem solving…. Which is the job I have now…. hum, well that came full circle. Maybe my writers block day will pass and I will be able to come up with some epic quotes but I’m not holding my breath. Time to get back to work.

Only Two Weeks!

I only have two weeks left of college and I am freaking out. I have a lot of work to do but I am plugging away at it. There is a certain class where every time we meet he adds another part to our final project. This project is worth 150 points. We had to write a communication journal 3 times a day for 26 days. I have over 15 pages of journals, today he added that we should write journals for an extra 5 days just to make it a month. Which means that I have to write journals longer than I thought I had to. On top of that every Monday, after writing the 3 entries we have to summarize all the communication exchanges we had that week coming to a total of 4 summaries. Then we have to take all that we have learned and put it in a final paper, which we cannot start until all of our journal entries are in. Journals end on the 2nd of this month. I have to turn the final paper in on exam day on the 5th. And then take my exam for this class.

At least my other class gave us all our assignments in advance. I have completed all but one which I should have done by today. I even completed the final exam already.

Then there is my 3 independent studies. I have completed one of them, still working on finishing touches in the other, and the last one I still have a lot of work to do. I have 5 news articles to finish, I have a 5 page paper to write on a ethical issue, and several assignment to put finishing touches on so I can add them to my professional portfolio.

Oh yeah, one last thing. I have to find an internship for this summer. Talk about stressful. One week of class left and one week of exams. If I live though this stress I will need a few weeks to recover. Here goes, back to work.

How to Write an A Paper in 3 Hours or Less

If any of you are like me, you find yourself procrastinating until the last minute to write your paper for class. Doesn’t matter that we got the assignment 3 weeks ago or have had class time to work on it, its still not done. It is now 10pm and the paper is due tomorrow in class.

The first thing you should do is get out the assignment sheet and write down what is required to be in the paper with a few lines in between each criteria. Then choose what your paper will be about (I usually go with the first idea I come up with because it saves time). Now under each criteria write a few words related to your topic.

On that same sheet of paper write “Intro, 1st paragraph, 2nd paragraph, 3rd paragraph, and conclusion. If it is a longer paper, just turn the “paragraph” sections into “idea” sections so that you can include several paragraphs under each idea. Now do what I call “the BS Fluff”. Write several subheadings under each section of ideas.

Now under the Introduction, just take what is written on the assignment sheet and restate the “point of assignment” that the teacher has written in your own words. Then write your three ideas under that, first in a list then moving on to briefly explain each section. This will be your lead into the second paragraph.

The next part is easy. Take your brainstorming, BS Fluffing, outline and write each idea and subheading in complete sentences. The majority of your paper is done. If you have to have citations in the paper, go to Wikipedia. Although you cannot cite Wikipedia in your paper, they did the connecting work for you. Pick a random page and find a random statistic or quote that you can BS’ly tie into your paper and  your citation is done.

Last for your conclusion, just take your intro and turn it upside down. List the ideas you talked about, then restate the point of the paper. You have now written a grade A paper in 3 hours or less. This is how I outlined all my papers through school and so far it has worked swimmingly.

My Hope for That Guy

I saw that guy again, the one who cheated off my test in class. You can read about my struggles with him in Mission to Disgust, Unintentional Revenge, This Guy Again, and the Last of that Guy. He was in line to get his graduation cap and gown. I had already picked up mine and was headed out of the gym. He looked at me and we locked eyes. I held his gaze until he looked at the ground. We will both graduate in May, mine from my own hard work, and his probably off the work of others.

I hope that by not getting him in trouble for his wrong doing, like getting him kicked off his sports team or getting kicked out of school, has taught him something. I know he knows I let him off the hook. If I had pressed the issue he would have gotten kicked off his sports team at the very least and possible gotten put on probation. Which would mean that he would have lost his athletic scholarship and may have not been able to finish school. I did not want to be responsible for changing his life in that big of a way, although some would argue he did it to himself. I understand the struggles of trying to get through school, and although I do not know his story, I hope that his reasons for cheating were good ones and not just laziness.

Maybe he will forever remember me as the girl who gave him a second chance to do it right. Hopefully next time he is placed in that situation he will choose to do his own work because of the bullet he dodged. I want to think that this has made him a better person.

But of course I could be completely wrong and he is thinking “yes! I got away with it once, I can do it again.” Or this is what he has done all through school and does not know how to study or prepare for class. If that is the case I feel sorry for him because he will never make it in the real world.

I ended up watching him for some time while he was in line. I know he knows my eyes were on him because every once in a while he would look in my direction as if scanning the room,  would see me watching him, and then look away. I wasn’t intentionally trying to make him uncomfortable but I’m sure it was. Hopefully I made him as uncomfortable as he made me the day he cheated off me and hopefully this experience has taught us both a lesson.

Normal?

I used to strive to be normal. In high school I was the “plain Jane,” horse freak who was a bit too skinny to be considered beautiful. I wore the cloths that weren’t popular but weren’t weird enough to be noticed. Some people knew me, but most didn’t. I didn’t mind so much because I didn’t want to be noticed. I was more the observer anyway.
But what does it mean to be normal? Webster says it is “conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.” So if something isn’t normal it’s unnatural? Our society seems to think abnormal and unnatural is something that should be feared. We have created a normal behavior that we expect people to follow. A normal way to dress and talk. Anything that does not conform to societies “normal” is considered weird.
There are certain people who embrace this “weird.” People who express themselves louder than some think they should. People who live, act, and talk the way they want. This feels normal to them.
I have been through far too many abnormal events to consider myself normal. And yet I catch myself saying “I just want to be normal.” But I have realized this isn’t really the case. I like who I am. I express myself louder than some by being quiet. If you don’t know what I mean by this, ask people who know me. I am told the room changes when I walk in. In striving to be normal I have created my own personality, my own way of existing. This is my normal and it may be abnormal to some, but I accept their normal.
Embrace your normal, even if it is abnormal, because it is yours. We don’t have to follow the rules that social society has placed on us. We don’t have to be normal. I have always known I would not fit into a mold someone else created and called “normal.” My mold is always changing, and I am the one who created it.

Are we all Selfish?

We live in an individualistic society where if we want the leg up we have to step on the person below us. We all do it by competing for good grades, job positions, and social status. But in doing this have we become so selfish we only do what we think is best for ourselves? We concentrate so much on improving our own situation that we don’t seem to notice the situation of others around us.

This selfish concept has been bothering me for a while. I believe that if someone needs help, you help them, even if they do not ask for it. A situation happened the other day where my mom and I were driving and bent a rim after hitting a pothole. We were on the side of the road for about a half hour waiting for someone to come help us change the tire. During this time at least 20 cars passed us, not one stopped to ask if we were okay or if we needed help. Even though we already had someone coming to our aid, none of the drivers who passed knew this. I found it very sad that not a single person stopped.

I wonder just how selfish we all have become. We are now a fend for yourself society. I notice this at school when no one holds the doors open for each other anymore, and at my job where the words “please” and “thank you” have become extremely rare. I use please and thank you every chance I get at my job hoping it will catch on with my fellow workers but it does not seem to be working. I am known by the costumers as “the very nice redhead” all because I say please and thank you. I am doing something that everyone else should be doing, I should not be singled out as the nice one because I use manners. But I am.

Why is this? Have we all really become that selfish? Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments of selfishness just as much as the rest of us. There are times when I am concentrating more on what I need for myself and not caring about other people. But is this what our society has taught us? That its okay to earn as much as we can for our own selfish needs and not give back or help? I do not have an answer to this question and I am sure it is much bigger than any of us realize, but I am sick of the selfishness.

Lets try to less selfish and pay it forward more.

The Last of that Guy

Here is an update for all of you who have been following the stories about the guy in my class who breaths down the back of my neck, slobbers in my ear, and apparently cheats off my tests. To read other stories about him, go to Mission to Disgust, Unintentional Revenge, and This Guy Again? I did go and talk to my teacher about my suspicions and although we both suspect that he did actually cheat off me, neither one of us felt positive enough to put my reputation as a student at risk. We did compare tests and they were identical for the first 4 pages, but on those 4 pages there were only two questions wrong. So that was not enough evidence to prove that he copied. After the 5^th page, I started hiding my answers a lot better and that is when the differences in our papers started.

There were still more similarities than differences throughout the remainder of the test and all of the short answers were right on mine and wrong on his because, we suspect, he could not see my handwriting. Even with all the evidence, we decided there just wasn’t enough to take it any further than just between her and I. I told my teacher even if we did not get him in trouble with the school I still wanted her to know about it. She thanked me for telling her, apologized for not catching it, and assured me it will never happen again in her class. At least I got some justice for myself in the fact that I know he will not use me like that again.

My Dad always told Me

My dad always told me “Tabetha, to find a good guy who makes decent money you need to sit outside the engineering classrooms at college and wait until one of the guys notices you.” I would always roll my eyes at him and say sarcastically “okay dad, I will get right on that.”

That being said, something interesting happened the other day. In all my years at college I have never met an engineering student until the other day. My dad always told me that they had to be smart in order to study to be an engineer because they have to have certain grades to be in the program. So I have spent the last 6 years under the impression that engineers were supposed to be smart. What happened the other day has me questioning that logic but I will let you decide for yourself.

I was headed out of the communication building when a guy, who I assume to be an international student, opened the door for me. I said, “thank you,” and he said, “you’re welcome.” I thought that was going to be the end of the conversation (because let’s face it, if it had been an American it would have been. In fact, I would have been lucky to get a “you’re welcome” out of the deal). He then made the observation that it was snowing and I said “yes it is,” and he asked “do you like the snow?” I said “no I do not, and I have lived in it my whole life.” He responded with “this is my first time seeing it.” So I asked him how he liked it. He then stated that “it is cold.” I just laughed and said “yes, yes it is.”

Quarters

He then asked me what my major was and I said “English, and you?” He responded with “I am studying to be an engineer.” I thought to myself “wow, this is the first engineer that I have met since I started college.” No sooner did I start to replay the conversations I have had with my dad about how smart engineers were supposed to be, that he stopped dead in his tracks and said “oh no…” I stopped too and just looked at him confused. He pointed to his car and said “parking violation.” I looked over and saw a really nice Mustang with a parking ticket on the windshield. I just laughed, wished him luck, and walked away.

When I got home I told my dad the story about the engineer who was smart enough to point out that snow was cold, but not smart enough to put another quarter in the meter to keep him from getting a parking violation. Since that day I have seen that car two other times with parking violations. So tell me again dad, how smart are engineers supposed to be?

It’s a Dog Eat Cheetos World

Trying to explain to a 5-year-old what cheating is turned out to be quite the challenge. I ended up telling a variety of stories trying to explain why taking someone else’s work and claiming it as your own was wrong. She thought that she was now going to get in trouble at school when she drew a picture and showed her friend because her friend would now be looking at her paper. I told her that would not get her in trouble because she gave her friend permission to look at her paper. Then she thought as long as her friend had permission to look at the paper she would not get in trouble. I then had trouble explaining to her that it depends on what type of paper she was showing her friend. That some things are supposed to be for her eyes and her teacher’s eyes only.

Cheetos

Then I decided to take a different angle and talk about how cheating is like stealing. Then she started to understand. She told me a story about a boy at her school who during lunch time, always steals her Cheetos when she isn’t looking. She said he reaches into her bag and takes one every time she looks away. I told her that it was kind of the same thing as cheating off my paper; he was stealing my Cheetos from me. We came to the conclusion that it is a dog eat Cheeto world.